5.2 - The Many Failures of Glaucus Ocean

Glaucus is constantly getting phone calls to duel. I'm guessing word got around that he sucks. Somehow, however, they don't quite make it to the magical realm for this one.

Sedna: 'Would someone please explain why there's a woman shooting lights at my son in the front yard?'

There's not enough time in the world, Sedna.

Annnd he loses. Of course.

Sedna: 'Get your head out of the snow and get inside before you freeze. Or the girl beats you worse.'

Glaucus: 'Ugh... this sucks.'

Meanwhile, Raul is the saddest man to ever play a VR game. He even halfheartedly dodges arrows.

Raul: 'I can't believe you forgot my birthday.'

I'm sorry! Your son is a mess and I'm just sort of trying to get a handle on that right now.

Raul: 'Sigh. So underappreciated.'

Oh, stop. You've lived a life of pampering and luxury. You even had two wives.

Glaucus, why is everything you do ridiculous? Even this. This is ridiculous. You look ridiculous.

Glaucus: 'Why are you so mean?'

Win some duels. Make some progress with your aspiration and maybe I'll be nicer. Ugh, where's Morgyn? You clearly need more training...

Glaucus: 'That... didn't taste so good...'

Did you just fail at making a potion? You'd better not be dead, mister!

Luckily he's not dead, he's just stupid. Sigh. He does finally win his third and final duel, however! Hooray.

Random Dude: 'Wow, that sucks. I can't believe you lost to him.'

Random Girl: 'I know... sigh...'

Glaucus: 'I'm right here, you know.'

Oh, they know. They know.

I don't even know what happened here. Glaucus is crying, Becca looks visibly uncomfortable, and Ianthe is obviously saying something critical. I'm going to assume it has to do with the fact that Glaucus still doesn't have a job. He doesn't need one, but still.

Ah, Glaucus. A big, bad wizard but still hurt by your older sister's barbs?

Glaucus: 'She can be so mean!'

Perseus gets a cake and escapes this madness. He ends up with Erratic. Shanice's trait is haunting me at this point. It better not spread to the next generation...

Have fun with your immortality, buddy!

Becca's pregnancy morph looks super weird with this top. I'm not going to change it, though. I'm just going to assume that she's giving birth to something truly bizarre.

Becca: 'That's rude.'

Well, it is partially Glaucus.

Becca: '... true.'

Luckily, little Merlin is born without a hitch. Yes, this name was on my ocean-themed naming list. It's apparently related or derived from 'Myrddin' which translates to 'sea fortress'. Works for me and it's fitting for Mr. Fingerwiggler's spawn!

Speaking of which, here's our resident Master of Spells setting another toilet on fire... while he scarfs down his dinner. Seriously, Glaucus?

Glaucus: '...I just don't know how this keeps happening.'

At least get out of there!

Another walls down shot of the magical sprinkler that somehow appeared. How? Why? I don't know. I think Sedna snuck behind my back and had something installed.

Shanice doesn't waste an opportunity to make Glaucus feel like the loser he is.

Shanice: 'Caught another toilet on fire, eh?'

Glaucus: 'Grandma, please...'

Shanice: 'Those are fake muscles, you know. REAL men with REAL muscles don't catch commodes on fire!'

Glaucus: '...sigh.'

The one thing Glaucus isn't terrible at? Being a good parent. He's always autonomously interacting with Merlin. It's precious.

But he still does stupid things like reading floating books. Seriously? What are you, a Telvanni Magister?

Glaucus: 'Did you just compliment me?'

No. Absolutely not.

Glaucus and Becca get married on the back of the lot. I'm too busy managing all of this spell business to bother with an actual party/ceremony, but at least I let them get dressed up. Becca definitely seems like the type who would demand it.

Becca: 'Did you just call me a Bridezilla?'

I mean, if the shoe fits? You've only been married five minutes and you're already arguing with Glaucus.

Becca: 'Have you met him?'

Good point.

Glaucus: 'Hey!'

Merlin becomes an adorable toddler. He definitely seems to have his mother's coloring. Thankfully, he's nowhere near the trouble the twins were. Phew.

I'm not doing four more kids this time around. I need a break.

Two, however, is a must. Glaucus is less-than-enthused. I honestly don't see the big deal. 

Glaucus: 'There aren't anymore magic-themed names on the list!'

Well, there's one. Sort of. Don't worry... we'll make it work.

Glaucus' idea of watching his child is doing so with a giant, floating book in front of his face. Merlin, disappointingly, is not a spellcaster. Such a waste of a name!

Sedna: 'So, he's doing the magic again... any chance of getting him to stop before he blows something else up?'

Glaucus: 'Mom! I'm just making food appear.'

Sedna: 'Sure you are, son. Now put the wand away before anyone spontaneously combusts...'

Glaucus: '...sigh.'

He succeeds, amazingly. A plate of macaroni appears. What's the fascination with macaroni and cheese, anyway?