5.4 - Glaucus Ocean and the Gun Show

I can't remember if I've addressed it or not, but Morgan is the heir. The luck of the die. The game really wants me to suffer through more finger-wiggling nonsense.

Morgan celebrates by making a mess.

The goofy cake face is honestly the best. I'm going to miss Morgan being a cute toddler.

Glaucus: 'I'm not. She's been a handful!'

Oh, shush. Your mother's done most of it...

Here we have Morgan with her older brother Merlin. Merlin isn't at all bothered by not being heir. Honestly, it's like dodging a bullet around here.

Besides, Morgan likes to tease him mercilessly, despite being younger.

Glaucus gives a unique gift to Morgan--a familiar. Unfortunately, children can't be wizards in this game, so she'll have to just wait until she's a teenager. Which is lame.

What about all the Harry Potter nonsense they're channeling? And no kid casting? Boo.

There's something inherently wrong about two children celebrating nudist gnomes. Oh well, the gods of the harvest are appeased for another season.

Morgan: 'I may be too young for magic, but pagan rituals are for everyone!'

Clearly.

Glaucus takes Morgan to the magic realm to get her acquainted with what's to be her future. She's unimpressed.

Morgan: 'Can we go? It's really... dark. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be in bed.'

Glaucus: 'What? But this is important!'

Morgan: 'Booor-iiingg! Later, dad.'

Glaucus and Becca are the strangest yet most stable couple. I don't understand them and I guess that's okay. I don't understand a lot of things.

Glaucus: 'Do you really have to be so loud? I'm trying to read this tome.'

Becca: 'You have an entire room dedicated to reading your... floaty books. Go there.'

She's not wrong. I have no idea why he suddenly wants in the focus room.

Nereus and Ianthe come over quite a bit to make use of the pool, which I find hilarious. They ignore the family (except Sedna, of course) and just go on outside. They will spend hours out there together.

Merlin becomes my first kid to have the bear phase. I've never encountered it before now. It's... different, I guess. I'd say the bear suit is annoying but I'm usually too busy to be bothered.

It is pretty funny that the parents can dress up with him. I had Becca do it and it was cute. Unfortunately, it did absolutely jack as far as the phase itself was concerned. I think this lasted a full week. Ugh.

Glaucus is becoming an adult! Blow those candles out and let's see what older age looks like on you.

Glaucus: 'Rude.'

Oh, just wait.

Glaucus: 'Are these... wrinkles?'

Yep. Young Adulthood is over. Just wait until your back starts hurting and your metabolism turns on you.

Glaucus: 'Well, it's not all bad. I've still got magic.'

How nice for you.

Glaucus decides to throw his cares of aging aside and hits the basketball court with Morgyn to complete a requirement of the Bodybuilder aspiration.

I was kind of impressed by Morgyn's getup. Though his B-Ball skills leave a lot to be desired.

Becca, don't you dare. Glaucus' arms are so obnoxiously big, I can hardly stand it. I don't need two obscene gun shows in this house.

Becca: 'I'm just trying to show Merlin the benefits of exercise. He's so lazy!'

He's a kid. He doesn't need biceps.

Morgan, meanwhile, is working on her social butterfly aspiration. Ugh. She makes BFFs with Lucas Munch (who I keep referring to as 'Bunch', oops) and abuses cloudgazing because I am over these kid aspirations.

Sedna feels like it's important that Glaucus knows he'll soon be on his own and he'll have to really start shaping up if he wants to be head of the household.

I don't know, Sedna. Your bar has been sparkly for like, five days. I'm beginning to think she's immortal.

You. Stop that. No more!

Glaucus: 'What?'

I'm tired of you autonomously doing this! You look ridiculous, like you take steroids or something. Knock it off. You're supposed to be a magician-

Glaucus: '-spellcaster-'

Whatever! Enough. Don't make me lock you out of here. Your legs are so buff they're clipping through your hands! Go eat some cake or something.

Seriously, Glaucus looks like he paints on his coat. It's insane. Also, he's the worst at helping with homework. Becca is in the zone and focused while he's just staring off into space.

Good thing Morgan doesn't really need the help, I guess...

Becca, what are you doing? It's three in the morning.

Becca: 'I've been dying to sneak up here and use this silly pot for something. Chili sounds nice.'

Are you insane? No way. This is a magical thingamajig, not a damn cook pot!

Becca: 'You're no fun.'

Back to bed.

Sedna: 'Glaucus, what did you do? There's a fire!'

Glaucus: 'Calm down, mum. It's fine. I was just cleaning up the cutting board you left behind.'

Sedna: 'Cleaning up? IT'S ON FIRE!'

Glaucus: 'I know, isn't it cool? I can incinerate things.'

Sedna: 'Decidedly not cool. Stop it!'

Glaucus: 'But it's so much fun!'

Sedna: 'I knew I should have listened to your father when you kept setting the toilets on fire...'

Glaucus: 'What was that?'

Sedna: 'Nothing, dear.'

Becca claims her final promotion and is now at the top of the Private Attorney track... and looking damn fine, too. Good job, Becca!

Becca: 'Aw, thanks. All I had to do was talk to myself in a mirror for several weeks on end.'

I'm sure that was a trial for you.